The Grammy's might have happened pretty recently, but they also nominated 21 Pilots in a rock category, and they have 3 awards for the exact same premise re-worded slightly differently for 4 genres. In other words, screw the Grammy's! We'll make our own music awards, with blackjack and hookers!
YEAH!
YEAH!
Winner of the "BEST MIX" Award
DOOM (Original Game Soundtrack) by Mick Gordon
A clean mix on an album with low tuning guitars and heavy bass is a rarity today, but Mick Gordon pulled it off! Now if only there was a physical version of the album available!
Winner of the "Best Featured Guest Appearance" Award
Neil deGrasse Tyson on "Exist" by Avenged Sevenfold
One of the easiest winners to decide in this ceremony. When you have Neil deGrasse Tyson as your featured guest, there isn't much else that can top that aside from a re-incarnated Freddie Mercury.
Winner of the "Biggest Surprise" Award
Who You Selling For by The Pretty Reckless
I mentioned this in my top 15 albums list, but The Pretty Reckless have slowly been improving themselves with each album release. With Who You Selling For however, the band makes a huge leap in quality that I was not expecting.
Winner of the "Biggest DISAPPOINTMENT" Award
The Party's Over by Prophets of Rage
There were MANY contenders for this award. A generic mainstream Rap album by an independent artist who usually defies barriers and labels, a ranting xenophobic mess by a legendary Thrash Metal act, and even a live version of the objectively worst album of 2015. But none of these fail quite as spectacularly as this pseudo Rage Against the Machine rebirth. For future reference, don't try to bring Rage back without Zack de la Rocha. At least the album's title is somewhat honest?
Winner of the "Biggest Comeback" Award
The Electric Warlock Acid Witch Satanic Orgy Celebration Dispenser by Rob Zombie
While the album is a bit short, it's a much needed return to the old school horror/hippie-core roots that have been desperately missing from Rob Zombie's work since 2010.
Winner of the "Best Collector's Edition" Participation Trophy
The Last Stand [Tank Edition] by Sabaton
Look at it...
LOOK AT IT
LOOK
AT
IT
LOOK AT IT
LOOK
AT
IT
Winner of the "Best Reissue/Remaster" Participation Trophy
The Great Southern Trendkill [20th Anniversary Edition] by Pantera
Pantera has consistently been putting out solid remasters on the 20th anniversary of their Groove Metal releases, complete with a bonus disc full of never before released live, instrumental and outtake material. The Great Southern Trendkill [20th Anniversary Edition] continues this trend, showing how a remaster should be done.
Winner of the "Most Anticipated 2017 Release" Participation Trophy
???? by System of a Down
Another fairly easy winner to decide, as this untitled album will be the first System of a Down album in 12 years.
Winner of the "Live Artist of the Year" Award
FallRise
The future of these guys is uncertain at the moment. While originally planning on disbanding in early 2016, they came back at the end of the year to open for Sevendust for their Sacramento show. Since then, their Facebook page has been silent, and nobody is sure if this comeback was a one-time thing, or the start of a new era. If this is truly the last of them, they went out fighting \m/
Winner of the "Composer of the Year" Award
John Petrucci
John Petrucci composed the entire orchestra for Dream Theater's latest album, The Astonishing, as well as various sections of the core group's music. The compositions are some of the most stunning to come out of Dream Theater in quite some time, and their previous work (for the most part) hasn't let me down by any means.
Winner of the "Best Cover Song" Award
"The Imp's Song" by Andrew Hulshult
Andrew Hulshult just finished a project last year that consisted of redoing the entire original Doom soundtrack with live instruments. The whole thing is fantastic, but this in my opinion stands out as the best cover of the year because of the work done on the bass guitar throughout this piece.
Winner of the "Best Parody Song" Award
"N.O.E.L." by Psychostick
Another easy winner to decide. Psychostick's Christmas take on this System of a Down classic is just as hilarious and technical as you would expect.
Winner of the "Best Original Song" Award
"Blood of Bannockburn" by Sabaton
This was in a close tie with Dream Theater's "A New Beginning", and it legitimately took days of listening to the 2 tracks back to back before I could finally pick a winner. Sabaton's "Blood of Bannockburn" just barely edges out the win though for it's unique use of organs and bagpipes, which is ultimately what carries this already phenomenal song to victory.
Winner of the "Album of the Year" Award
Hardwired... To Self-Destruct by Metallica
I already detailed why this was my favorite album of the year in my Top 15 Albums of 2016 list, so go check that out, as well as the other 14 albums that made the cut!
That concludes this year's objectively factual music awards and participation trophies! We'll be back next year with all of the pretentious content you need to satisfy you in ways the Grammy's could never come close to!